I am talking about my niece, her mental health has once again deteriorated very quickly, she is harming herself worse than she has ever done during this 6 month admission. Three weeks ago we were planning her discharge as she was doing so well.
I have sat in a meeting with all the 'professionals' caring for her for two hours this afternoon. The general consensus appears to be that this could well be as good as it gets. REALLY? FOREVER?
My heart is broken enough from all the losses that have driven her to the place where she is, how on earth can I keep it from shattering completely? It isn't even just an emotional pain that I feel anymore, my heart actually aches so that it catches my breath.
I cannot possibly accept this is as good as it gets surely? Where is my hope in a God that heals, whose heart is for the broken and the orphaned? Do I accept what they say and so start to guard my heart from the pain that it is going to have to continue to endure for her? Or can my God give me the strength to stand firm, to endure the pain and to hope eternally?
I so HOPE it is the later, shortly after she stopped living with us I did much of the guarding myself from the pain. I managed it for about 12 months before the cracks in this plan became to deep that the pain started to spill. I then had to give up work because of the deterioration in my health. I do not want to go there again.
I guess all I can do at the moment is make this my prayer and have that same HOPE.
2 Chronicles 14:10-12
Good News Translation (GNT)